It’s become pretty trendy in recent years for parents to give their kid a stupid name. But what a lot of parents don’t consider is the repercussions these names will have on their children. In my experience, having a weird name hasn’t been a bad thing. But it does ensure a different life experience than the Mikes and Michelles of the world. I’ve compiled a list of some things all parents should consider before naming their kid something like Tuesday or SkighLark. Each has been given a pro or con. Parents, please read each carefully and weigh them at the end of the exercise.
1. Increased Googleablity
This comes in handy with prospective jobs and handsome waiter situations. It limits your privacy, but privacy seems overrated these days anyway.
2. Feeling unique even when you are maybe not so unique
A recruiter once asked me on a phone interview where I was from. “I’m picturing Eastern Europe or something, am I close?"
“Actually I’m from Utah. Have you heard of Provo?”
Rojy? Rouy? Takeout is really disheartening for people with weird names.
4. Spelling problems
Similar to #3, but annoying enough to merit its own spot on the list. A few favorite spellings of my name include: Ribbie, Rebby, Rebi, Rebe, Kebbie, Nebbie and Raebe.
5. People remember you years after meeting you
This is cool when that guy you met at the Dashboard Confessional concert during your sophomore year of high school shows up five years later at church.
This is not so cool when that guy who asked you out in college and then brought his dog to the restaurant and made out with it after dinner shows up five years later at church.
VERDICT: PRO & CON
6. Lingering Handshakes
I've only recently started picking up on this one. It’s terrible. Imagine this:
"Hi, I'm Bob."
"Hi, I'm Rebbie. Nice to meet you, Bob."
"You too, ... wait what was it?”
"It's Rebecca, but I go by Rebbie."
(hands are getting sweaty)
“Oh, well that’s….interesting, how do you spell it?”
“Just like Debbie but with an R.”
(eye contact is wavering)
“Okay, well nice to meet you, Ruby.”
At its fastest, this takes 12.5 seconds. Too long to hold hands with a stranger, let a lone hold eye contact. I’m not sure I’ve even made 12.5 seconds of eye contact with anyone I’ve dated.
7. Gender confusion
I’ve been called Robbie more times than I can count. And can we really blame anyone for not knowing whether North West is a boy or a girl? If one is repeatedly being called a him when actually a her, or vice versa, gender confusion is a serious threat.
So parents, if you think it’s worth your kid being gender confused to feel unique, maybe Johnessa is a good choice. If you’d like your kid to develop a thick skin because no one can ever pronounce or spell his name, Cessair is a great option. And if you want your kid to get used to holding hands with strangers while looking them in the eye, by all means go for Macaire.