Sunday, 30 December 2012

Les Miserables: High School English Edition

If you thought Eddie Redmayne and Samantha Barks were good in Les Miserables, think again.

Below is one of many five star films my friends and I produced for our High School English class. In case it's hard to follow, this is the crucial moment when Marius is fighting to protect the barricade and Eponine sacrifices herself to save his life.

The cast is as follows:
Marius: Katie Larsen Carter
Eponine: Annie Stewart Grow
Cinematography/SFX: Rebbie Groesbeck Redmayne*

I have seen the film in theaters twice. The first time, I wept at the sheer beauty of the story and performance. The second time, I wept because all I could think about were these videos.

Drink with me, to days gone by. Because these seriously were the days.

*You cannot tell me Rebbie Redmayne doesn't roll off the tongue. Let this girl dream a dream.

Friday, 7 December 2012


Dear friends,

If you don't know by now, I am Mormon.

If you knew I was Mormon, you may not know that I am also a Normon.

If you don't know what a Normon is, please refer to this blog I started. went live yesterday and I have been blown away by the response. Thanks for all the support and no thanks for all the mean comments.

This is going to be quite the adventure. I would love to have you all come along.

Happy Friday.


Monday, 3 December 2012

Hey @RobbieGreenock, you’re #fake!

This morning I woke up, stretched my extremities, and pulled out my trusty smart phone.

I checked my Twitter account to find this:

Robbie Greenock, my internet arch nemesis, wants to follow me on Twitter?

Something did not seem right. 

I swallowed my jealousness and Wikipediaed him. This is what I found.

It would appear that Robbie Greenock does not, in fact, exist. 

Unless you count this one person in the UK.

I did a little more investigating and found this article, appearing in the British news source “Greenock Telegraph”, about teenage footballer Robbie Crawford who did something great on the soccer pitch.

His picture appears to be the same one @RobbieGreenock used in his twitter profile.

I further investigated @RobbieGreenock, to find that he has 0 followers, 0 tweets and is following 14 people, all celebrities.

I may not be a detective, but I have read every Nancy Drew book in the Orem Public Library. And based off the evidence before me, I have deduced that:

a)     Robbie Greenock is not a person.
b)    Greenock Telegraph is a news source that covered a story about Robbie Crawford the high school footballer.
c)     Wikipedia lies.
d)    I am being punk’d.

So will the real @RobbieGreenock please stand up? It would be much appreciated. #kthxbai

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Whose picks are these pix?

I have one simple request for you, world.

When I'm famous, can I at least pick my own Wikipedia pic?

You laugh, but in reality the request appears to be way too much to ask. 

I have compiled a list of possible situations the current picture picker might be in:

a) Operating under a severely limited budget
b) Bitter at the beautiful people of the world and determined to make them look like idiots
c) Wearing dark sunglasses

I mean look at this!

 Julia doesn't look too terrible here.  But for the woman who played the lead role in the film "PRETTY WOMAN," I think we can do better. 

Last I checked, Jimmy Fallon was a handsome, fully functioning human. No? My bad.

All it takes is one simple Gooooooogle search to find one million o's worth of better-looking options for Brad.

2011 Sexiest Man Alive. Coming to an AA Near You!

What do you mean, did I graduate high school? Look at these robes!

Perhaps this is a timely pick, paid for by Scientology, to show Katie in "shock and despair."

Hey Wikipedia. If you need me to pause FNL, take a shot of Coach Taylor on my iPhone and text it to you, we can arrange that.

Ahh, I know what the rest of this outfit looks like. Boot cut jeans,  platform shoes, canvas Roxy belt with seatbelt buckle? Now I get how she got Ryan Reynolds.

It's just too much for me to understand. I feel disillusioned by fame and all the "great perks" that come with it. In this day and age, the right to choose one's own prof pic seems inalienable.  

Maybe I don't even want to be famous anymore. Maybe I'll just stop trying. 

If you need me I'll be alone in my room, working on my Wikipedia page. 

screw you robbie greenock!!!

Wednesday, 31 October 2012


From my desk to yours.

Monday, 22 October 2012

Next time I shoot a commercial...

 I think I'll exchange phone numbers with the cast.

Found these while doing some YouTube research. Best day ever.

Ahh, the music.

Apparently she was the first woman to say the dreaded P-word on television. Progressive, Miss Cox.

Aren't you hunnnngry?


I've got the fever for 90's Brad.

Sunday, 14 October 2012

skiophobia explained.

There are just too many painful ways to look like an idiot while engaged in this sport. 

That's all. 

Friday, 28 September 2012

I can't be sure

but I think this is the scariest thing I have ever seen.

God bless the World Wide Web.

Monday, 24 September 2012

An open letter to the husbands of crafty/mommy/fashion bloggers:

I wonder if you are tired of carrying that camera around.

I wonder if some days you just want to eat cereal instead of doing brunch, and what happens if you don’t like cupcakes.

I wonder if you feel objectified by your internet alias of "Husband," "Love," "Sir," or "Mr. Surname."

I wonder if she at least lets you draw the name out of the hat for the weekly giveaway. I wonder if you have to pay for the shipping.

I wonder if you felt strange the first time she asked you to take a picture of her outfit while she struck an unintelligible pose in front of that rundown chain link fence that somehow lent itself to the fashionable irony of the pose. I wonder if you ever daydream about hiring an intern to do it.

I wonder if she ever asks you to fix the computer so she can keep blogging and you say, "DIY!!"

I wonder if that child is even yours.

No, I don't really wonder that.

But I wonder if you've ever thought about hacking her computer and posting about how mediocre your day was.

I wonder if you like red lipstick.

I wonder if you’d like to switch over to being my husband so I can quit my job and focus on my blog.

Many thanks,


Sunday, 2 September 2012

The Californian

The following are things I have heard myself say since living here. I have immediately hated myself for saying these things:

1.     Ugh, it’s just so sandy here. Can we switch to the pool?
2.     The thing is, Whole Foods employees aren’t helpful like Trader Joe’s are. And I heard their organic stuff is only barely organic.
3.     OH MY GOSH. Why is it so hot today? (85 minus an oceanic windchill factor of five degrees)
4.     Disneyland? What a pain.
5.     Oh, the 10 is backed up? You'll wanna take Sawtelle to the 405 to the 90, all the way until you get to Marina del Raaaa.
6.     How can I be out of quinoa. Am I supposed to starve for dinner?
7.     A tan is just so much work though, you know? I’ve been thinking about biting the bullet and using sunscreen.
8.     Yoga is getting old. Should we do Pilates on the Reformer or Barre Method next week?
9.     I just wish there was some variation. I miss the seasons.
10.  What’s the deal with these clouds?

Don’t hate Californians for being Californians. They may not have always been what they are now.

Thursday, 2 August 2012

BRAND NEW LOOK!!! (Same great blog)

Well, I think my blog has outgrown its gothic phase.
 I have pulled a Michael Jackson and turned my black self white! Hope this doesn't change my fan base or make my nose look any weirder.

RIP MJ. Sure love you.

Monday, 30 July 2012

badvertising makes me sad.

I mean, everyone knows that Avocado is the reason Apolo Ohno is an Olympian!

I have the feeling this is only the beginning of many ill-fitting attempts to make money off the Olympics. On behalf of my people, I apologize.

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

when in LA...

Whenever I drive on Santa Monica Boulevard (cue Sheryl Crow) past the Beverly Hills sign, there stands a perpetual crowd of asian tourists forming a line to take their picture. I find nothing as confusing as this.

In case you are planning a trip to Beverly Hills, don't. Come visit me down the street in Santa Monica. We can go to the beach. Afterwards we will drive past and make fun of the tourists.

All that being said, I have been in LA for little over a year now and have still not had a celebrity sighting. I feel cheated by this.

Seeing as I have but a few days of freedom left before I again become a contributing member of society, I am thinking of eating my words, donning my fanny pack, and doing this.

I just think Shellee-Ann Kellee looks so fun. Advice/comments/encourage and/or discouragements? I'm all ears. 

Wednesday, 18 July 2012


I will be starting work here on July 30th.

Until then, you can find me here.

Monday, 25 June 2012

go see this movie!

I saw it a few weeks ago and can't stop thinking about it. I don't think Jack Black has ever been more perfectly cast.

The trailer makes it look stupid. Just take my word for it. 

Friday, 22 June 2012


I do not like this necklace.

I know it's JCrew and Jenna Lyons and blah blah blah. I just feel what point did we start hanging baby toys from our necks?

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

love spell

It was in the New York City subway last weekend when we smelled it. Over every disgusting smell on the tracks came one unmistakeable scent.

The sweet smell of Centennial Middle School. Of note writing, insecurity, and being asked to "go out" with Preston Phillips over the phone.

That is one spell I am grateful to have broken. 

Tuesday, 5 June 2012


This movie has been a longgggg time coming. December can't come soon enough.

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

why do....

The other day at work I was racing against a deadline. I opened up a Google search, got completely distracted by the suggested searches, and missed my deadline entirely.

I did get this blog post out of it. 

Cats, dogs, and cheating men.

Next time he cheats, i'm going straight to Google to find out why. I bet it'd give me the name, address and twitter handle of the trick he cheated with too.


An interesting study in what the people of google remember being said by the great people of the world.

 Happy, hot, attractive and rich? I would describe myself as those things, in that order. Overall, I am ok with this. Nice even beat out weird!

I'd like to draw your attention to the #6 most searched thing under "why does...."

If you don't know why people hate Nickelback, I can refer to any one of their songs. If you're wondering why I hate Nickelback, I can refer you here

How old is Gladys Knight? I have no idea. But did you know she's Mormon? She's also nice, weird, happy, hot, attractive and rich.

How old is Justin Bieber? Old enough to think he can rap (what is that song, anyway?)

Seriously though. What are capers?

Thank you Google, for bringing all knowledge about the world's most pressing questions to our fingertips. Without you, I would never have known what Zayn Malik looked like shirtless.

Friday, 13 April 2012

the mystery of the moustache

I am perplexed by the phenomenon known as the moustache.

It's the worst thing women have had to deal with since the buzz.

I prefer the British spelling of the word, because it leads one to pronounce it with the emphasis on the "stache." moo-STOSH.

I get that it's a fashion statement made by hip males who enjoy the appearance of homelessness. I just don't get how all their lady friends can stand to kiss them. I once had a very hip friend of mine say, "you can't knock the mustache til you try it." Well Liz, I tried it. And I will now knock it.

It was the Summer of 2010 and I was living the dream in New York City. I made a friend at the ad agency I was interning at, who had quite the moustache. He was quite proud of it. I realize now that I sealed my fate when one day I said something like, "I just don't think I could stand kissing a guy with a moustache. It seems like it would tickle."

He and I spent lots of time talking about life, music, advertising, religion--you name it. We had lunch on the rooftop, he sent me funny text messages, it was the perfect romcom friendship. On my last day in town he took me to brunch. He walked me to the door of my apartment. I turned around and he was way too close.

"Just try it. You'll like it."

"(silent panic!!!!) Ew. No."

He tried it anyway. It tickled.

I guess what we can learn from this story is the immortal and all-powerful principle of "hard to get." Then again, maybe this was his logic.

Perhaps the reason I'm so fascinated by the moustache is that having female moustache is one of my greatest fears. Unless your name is Natalie Portman, female-stache = your life is over. If you are Natalie Portman, you just look a little angrier than usual.

I won't even get started on Mustache March. Not to mention Movember, when men grow out their moustache to fight man-cancer.  Ladies. Why didn't we think of this first??? From here on out I shall let my leg hair run wild. If anyone asks, it's Wapril. These hairy legs are saving breasts. Argue with that, boyfriend.

I look forward to the blessed day when the Moustache goes back out of style. Until then, I will say a silent prayer for all those hip girls pretending to dig the stache.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

I gained an eating disorder.

This morning while eating my heaping bowl of Special K, I noticed this bit about the "Special K Challenge" on the back.

If anyone can tell me a worse idea, I will give you a handful of my laundry/parking quarters. (Anyone who has ever lived in LA knows how precious an offering this is)

For those who aren't familiar with the Special K Challenge, it's the one that tells you to only eat 2 meals a day, each consisting of 1/2 cup of special k with a tablespoon of skim milk. Maybe it's the fact that I eat my cereal 3 servings at a time and usually only after midnight but...I'm offended by this.

I visited their website and here is my Meal Plan for today. Only 13 days to go!

I have a feeling I will be hungry, drained and cranky until I get to my spaghetti dinner. 

What happened to good, old-fashioned exercise? Apparently teaspoons of sugary carbs are just as good.

Each cereal box has this bit about "What I gained when I lost," where suckers who fell for this anorexic scheme tell you how they've gained self-esteem in the place of love handles. My Vanilla Almond flavor has an attractive Mom wearing Mom Jeans, claiming to have gained "Swag." Hmmmmm. 

Sorry, Special K, but I guess my Swag will have to go un-gained. Consider your challenge lost!

Monday, 19 March 2012

hello again!

I have recently emerged from being quite buried under a pile of work. And I have a whole :30 commercial about chips to show for it! 

We spent 8 days in Boston shooting. It was a lovely city and I had way more than my fill of scary sea creatures and clam chowdaaah.

We shot our commercial inside Stacy's bakery, which means we got to wear hairnets 24/7. These are the kinds of sexy things that make people want to go into advertising.

We used the real workers in our commercial, and their stories are pretty incredible. We made a little documentary film about them, which I'll put up in a few weeks when I won't get fired for doing so.

I have to say the best part of the experience was hanging out with Lisa Loeb. When we listened to our voiceover auditions we giggled about one of the women being named "Lisa Loeb," just like the pop and reality tv star from the 90's. After listening to her voice a few times our editor said, "you know what...i think it IS Lisa Loeb." We did what any curious group of adults would do and asked her to come to the edit bay to do a "callback." Sure enough, it was she. 40 years old, pregnant, and still wearing thick framed glasses.

She was quite delightful to work with and the whole time I struggled whether to acknowledge that she was Lisa Loeb or not. When she was leaving I couldn't help myself. I asked for her picture. She laughed about it and obliged. I apologized and told her I couldn't help but feel like her career was gonna take off after this. 

So here you have the fruits of our labors (if my mother hasn't already sent it to you). I must caveat that while I made a personal goal to never put words like "messin'" in my taglines, there are clients and middle-aged women who like that sort of thing. Sigh.

Since I know you'll all be rushing to the store to buy these things, I'd like to put a good word in for the cinnamon sugar. While they may be the reason for my larger-than-usual love handles, the are absolutely divine. Cheers!

Saturday, 4 February 2012

3 things.

I'll give you ten nickels if you can tell me what these three things have in common:

Ok I'll give you a hint. They are the three things that occupy the entirety of my brain, from roughly 10 AM - 8 PM, Monday through Friday (& sometimes Saturday/Sunday). 

Right now I'd say it's about %150 Stacy's, 75% Pepsi and %10 Energizer.

I'm really not complaining, the percentages change daily and it definitely keeps me on my toes.

It's just that you never think you'll grow up to spend the majority of your time thinking about chips.

We're headed to Boston this week to do a shoot that will make you buy more of these pita chips. In the off chance I have some down time, I'd love some suggestions on what to do there. Anyone?

Sunday, 29 January 2012


I've never been one of those wedding-planner girls who has her dress, diamond and wedding colors picked out by the time she's 13. I've just never really thought about it. But recently a dear friend sent me this.

And now my imagination is running wild! It's like a thong for your ankle! It's like lingerie for your foot!

I think it'd be awesome to like have me wear the white one, and get a different colored one for each of my 17 bridesmaids. We'll go barefoot all day and take a picture of us standing in a row with our feet seductively protruding from our floor length wedding & bridesmaids dresses.

I can't wait to make my dream wedding come true. Now all I need is a fiancee who will marry me or at least sign off on 18 multi-colored "Jewels by Michele."

Buy yours here. You're welcome!

Friday, 13 January 2012


All I read I see when I look at this poster is "CUMMERBUND."

Someone should design a cummerbund made of money. Those would be cool. And probably expensive.

Monday, 9 January 2012

dear miss carter: welcome to the world

Have you heard??????

Babyonce has a name and it's "Blue Ivy Carter." Hmmm. I'll let that one slide.

I do believe she's the youngest human to have Jay-Z lay down a track in her honor, and it's pretty dear. 

You can check it out here.

Congrats to my favorite couple on planet earth, and welcome to your baby diva.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

old year's resolutions.

Every year I gear up to set some life-altering resolutions. Some goals that will really take my life to the next level you know?

I think about my life...I set my goals carefully...I write them down my journal.

Then I get curious and flip my journal to last year's resolutions. And then I want to die.

It seems that every year at least 50% of my resolutions are repeats of the previous year. They almost always involve something to the effect of "eating only until i'm full" or "reading more nonfiction books."

I'm not sure whether to be happy with my persistance or depressed at my lack of progress. Either way, at least I'm consistent from year to year?

Someone tell me I'm not alone in this. On another note, Happy 2012!!!