Monday, 26 July 2010

the end is near.

I have officially entered my last week here in the nyc. It's been a swarm of very mixed emotions and i'm guessing it will only get worse. 
I'm constantly debating whether to splurge or to save. Someone help me rationalize choosing the former. 
 I made a bucket list of things I wanted to do before I left, then realized 98% of them had to do with food. Not surprising but still, semi embarrassing. So...if anyone has any other, low-cal, wallet-friendly suggestions, send them my way.
If you had a week in this city, what would you do?

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

Above the Influence (Of charming Brits)

I’m sick of British accents. I’m sick of them being instantly funny, instantly charming, instantly sophisticated, and instantly hired.

Here’s what I don’t get. Didn’t we kick them out? And now they hop back across the pond, utter one word of their “pure” English and all we can do is swoon. I don’t even mean a romantic comedy sort of swoon. It is my humble opinion that the most platonic and non attraction-based of swoons is un American. And that they need to stop.

The following is an eclectic group of Brits I have previously been seduced by. R.I.P. friends and lovers!! Consider this your eulogy.




 




I’ve witnessed first hand the measurable difference between my English and British English. There is this one person who went to school with me, who is British, and is most definitely the darling of the byu ad program…not to mention everything else he does. One day, we (he) convinced our professor to order pizza for a group meeting we were having. I order the pizza, from Brick Oven, 25 feet from the Brimhall and they told me it would be an hour and a half before they could get it to us. He, of course, was incensed that anyone would dare keep us hungry for that long!! He asked me to call them back to complain but I had a better idea—YOU CALL THEM BACK.  Sure enough, what did they say? We’ll get your pizza in 15 minutes.

Swoon.

There is a man who might work where I work. He’s new. And he is a tall, parted-haired, dreamboat of a Brit. I’ve overheard multiple conversations by multiple groups of females on multiple floors in his behalf. One of my friends got stuck alone with him on the elevator. She tried to talk to him but said she couldn’t understand what he was saying. I’m not sure if this is due to swoon-induced hearing loss but I thought it was semi ridiculous. I mean…we do still speak the same language right? It made me think of that one time there was a British man on the Bachelorette and they put subtitles on every time he spoke. Where is our dignity, women??! Do we speak English or not?!?? Anyway. I keep seeing him in the halls and I’m pretty sure he wants to date me. We had a meeting with him the other day and yeahhhh. Post-meeting I caught two of my middle-aged co-workers looking him up on our company website. After a 20 minute debate we finally decided it was too soon to add him on Facebook.

Giant. Pathetic. Swoon.

My friends and I have considered starting an accent immersion program so that decent, hardworking Americans like us can find work in our native land. Better yet, what if we move somewhere else? To London? Do they find our accents as charming as we find theirs? My four, boy-drought months there makes me think no, but I asked yahoo anyway:

(straight from the mouth of a Brit!!!)

“Hmmmm... difficult question.
I think for me it depends on the accent. I may be more surrounded by Americans than the average Briton so I think a lot of the novelty has worn away. Some US girls have seriously sexy accents, but there are some that make you want to wince. The compulsion of some of my US friends to overshare and talk loudly in public places makes me feel somewhat embarressed sometimes!
Southern states accents do nothing for me, but then I do have a friend from Florida and her accent is awesome. 
But to be fair, there's plenty of accents here in the UK you never hear on films and tv that are so annoying they would make you feel like your ears were falling out so it's swings and roundabouts.”

A)   Is that the English spelling of embarrassed?

B)   Swings and roundabouts? Ugh, even their useless sayings are charming.

C)   At least in America we aren’t afraid to have a public voice. I happen to think the overweight man yelling at everyone on the subway last night was an inspiring show of democracy.

D)   Can someone tell me how to do a Florida accent?

In reality, I don’t think there’s much hope of competing with our charismatic allies from the motherland. For now all I can do is hold on to my pride, keep my head high, and try to keep from swooning. Because as Edgemont Elementary taught me, there ain’t no doubt I love this land—God bless the United States of American English.