so i am learning out in the real world that it is indeed strange, or i guess i should say peculiar, that mormons don't drink. what i have also learned is that we are really good at replacing drinking with its chubby friend, EATING. suffice it to say that a large portion of my time (and money) here has been spent on this. every day we ask each other, "where are we going to eat tonight?" ("eat" is most always a euphemism for "something that will give us an excuse to get dessert") but i am tired of this habit making me poor. i am tired of paying for food.
which led me to think about the phenomena of FREE MEALS. if you think about it, the only reason we really work is so we can eat. I mean vacations and movies are fun but at the heart of it all is this terrible, persistent need to feed ourselves. i'm not one of those nauseating people who says, "oh, i just get so busy that i forget to eat!" call me fat but i don't buy that for a second. you forget that your stomach is gnawing itself into a size 2? just tell me you're dieting, i respect that. because for me, if i am not fed i am not happy. i do not function. i am weak and my brain stops functioning. (ask my partner ryan. hahaha) as i sit here writing this, i wonder when i can sneak away to the cafe to get a sandwich.
because really, being hungry is just...what's the word? poor. i believe that the people who have truly made it in life rarely, if ever, have to pay for their meals. i see two main groups of people who fit into this category. (note: you must be post-adolescent in order to be considered)
#1: the adored
the adored is, yes, a woman. she will first eat for free because her mother loves her, then because daters love her, then because her breadwinner lives up to his title. her most basic need is the lucky beneficiary of our cultural practice of 'getting something to eat' with her male counterpart, the adorer. here you see a sort of dating-darwinism that propels the adored to the top of the life chain. because she never has to pay for food, she never has to dip in to her funds, leaving more resources available for things like eyelash extensions and gym passes. more importantly though, she never has to dip into the emotional well of hunger, of eating a stale pbj she brought in a reused ziploc bag in the depths of the library. not that i have done that. never depleting this well will also add years and sexiness to her life.
#2: the feared
the feared is the ceo. or cmo. or canythingo. after years of learning what it felt like to have his own hunger shmoozed away, he can now afford to throw his food around. he buys lunch for the office. only every once in a while though, and most often when a client is in. he shrugs off the bill, and by doing so instills fear and reverence on the part of his employees, who for the most part cart their spousemade lunch to work. they are forever indebted to the fact that he is independently not hungry and is willing to share his good favor. he is, nine times out of ten, married to the adored.
i am annoyed at these people. i'm trying to work out a way to become one of them.
had i taken pictures of all the food i have experienced here this post would probably be more interesting. also more alarming. last night at the one show design fest i got my first free "meal" in the nyc!!! it consisted of cold quiche and seared tuna and you better believe i choked down every bit of it. anyhow, i am now on a quest to eat cheaply, and maybe even for free??? we will see how that goes. my goal recently took me to wendy's, so you know, slummin it. nbd.
in closing, i would like to declare this post my official diatribe towards all the free eaters out there, from the adored to the feared to the person i hate at cafe rio when all the employees yell "FREE MEAL!!!"