Thursday, 11 February 2010

baby susie allen

i'm not sure exactly how to start this...i know a lot of you have been aware of baby susie's story but i thought i would fill in some of the missing details.

my oldest sister has been pregnant, due sometime mid-march. in november as i was sitting on the beach in florida like the slacker i wish i was, i got a phone call from her telling me their baby had complications and wouldn't end up living through the pregnancy. the baby didn't have kidneys, which created a few problems with the baby's lungs and heart. there also was no amniotic fluid, which meant they couldn't tell what gender the baby was. after the initial disbelief, my sister and her family began preparing for the upcoming months, not exactly sure what they would bring. it was incredible to watch them gain a new perspective on life and the plan of salvation.

on february 6th, i got a phone call saying my sister was in the hospital, dilated to a 3 and having steady contractions. at this point my parents were in hawaii, i was the only member of my family within hundreds of miles and my blasted portfolio was flying off to nyc in 36 HOURS. of course i rushed over to the hospital and got there just in time to see my beautiful sister before they delivered the baby via c-section.

the nurse suited me up and let me come into the OR right after SHE was born!! they gave her oxygen and we brought her in to meet her mama. i can't express what a beautiful time it was so at this point i'll leave it up to the pictures.

me and sister

pinky fingernail is always the best












oh hey, i look 12 when my make-up has been cried off


tiny 4 lb susie. so pretty and so small.



dad and susie


giving her a name and a blessing



susie with older sister sadie.

as expected, my parents were devastated to miss the 3 incredible hours we spent with their granddaughter (who was named after my mother). but thanks to technology they were able to hear her little noises through the phone and to see her on HD video! so amazing. we also got to talk to michelley bells on the mission in ecuador. it's nice to have a father-in-law who works for the missionary department :) (i may attempt abusing that privilege every time i see him from here on out) more importantly, all the allen children were able to meet their baby sister and hold her and love her.

we held funeral services for susie yesterday. thank you thank you to everyone who showed up or gave your love or prayers on any level. i assure you they were felt. at times like this there is nothing to be felt but gratitude for the perspective the gospel brings. i am in awe of the peace my sister and her family have felt through the whole process. of course there will be mourning ahead. it would be absurd to think there wouldn't. but it's also been an incredible experience for my family. wonderful to see the church members extend their ridiculously expansive arms and embrace any and all who were affected. how blessed are we to be a part of this, honestly?

speaking of blessings. i have no idea why i was the one who got to be there with my sister. but it is a memory i will keep in my heart forever. i am profoundly grateful i was able to share that with her. thank you again to everyone for your kindness. thank you to my roomies for the beautiful flowers. thank you to everyone in room 140 brmb for not asking why i've been the way i've been lately :) thank you byu bookstore for the 8 lbs of chocolate covered cinnamon bears i've consumed in the last two weeks.

it's amazing how sad life can be and yet we still can be happy. i'm not sure why honestly. or how. but i know great faith goes a long way.

thank you for listening to me be optimistic. by next post the cynicism will possibly have returned. also. rebbiegroesbeck.com remains a nightmare. sometimes your website has to take a backseat on the priority list.

16 comments:

Jordyn said...

Reb I cried...this was beautiful and sad and yet happy. Those pictures of her little hands and toes just tug at my heart!

Jen said...

Rebbie, thanks for sharing this. This is pretty incredible. I hope you're all able to heal from this - it must be so devastating. But your optimism is amazing.

Dani Stolworthy said...

I'm sorry to hear about this but you and your family will be in my prayers. We are so so blessed to have the gospel!

Annie said...

thanks for making me look like a sobbing fool in the computer lab in the jfsb. i love you.

Cason and Marie said...

This made me tear up a bit. What a precious little angel! She is beautiful. I love the picture of her holding the pinky finger...it looks like she is grasping so tight. I have been thinking about you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Such an amazing experience that I am sure was filled with many different emotions. Oh the joys the gospel brings. The plan of salvation is real and the knowledge that we have of it is amazing! I love you Rebb! xoxo.

Stefanie Bell said...

oh my goodness she is precious!!! I cant even imagine what it was like, i am so glad to know they will see sweet little Susie again.

kylie nixon said...

lots of love from about 20 feet above you rebbles :)

Amy Allen said...

I love it, Rebb. I love you, too. I'm glad you were there.

Andrea said...

My heart goes out to all of your sweet family! I arrived at the hospital just minutes after Alli's baby Chase passed away... so sad to miss him alive, but I will never forget holding him with his amazing curly blonde hair and loving him and the bond that Alli and I still share from that experience! It breaks your heart, but you will never take a single minute with a baby for granted! So glad you were there!

McKenzie Mae Haggard said...

Sad story but amazing at the same time. God Bless your sister and family!

Kellee Marie Cook said...

I love baby susie and you.

Brandon and Katie said...

Rebb this is so sweet. I love you!!!

Brienne said...

Beautiful post Rebs. I am in the library with tears streaming down my face thinking of you and your family. What a sobering experience! Your strength is amazing.

jenna said...

reb i had no idea. it's so weird, with michelle gone i just feel so out of the loop. i recently went through a similar experience, also asking myself why I was the one that got to receive such a blessing to be in the presence of an angel. it really is remarkable isn't it? the pictures are beautiful. love you and your family lots.

Lauren said...

rebbie that was beautiful. I love you. I am so so sorry.

betsy b said...

reb, i'm so glad you shared the story and pics with us.