Sunday, 4 October 2009

brace face.

it seems that lately i've seen an alarming number of people my age with braces, which evokes a huge amount of pity in my heart, which makes me think of the best 7 years of my life, which makes me cringe with insecurity, which inspired this shout out to all the brace faces out there.

(i googled 'bad teeth' and had to stop eating for a minute. so forgive me if this post is somewhat imageless)

remember this thing?


like stirrups for your mouth. and the doc is STILL trying to talk to you.

remember when you came to school for the first time after getting braces?
"wait let me see!!! oh, you look so...cute!"
the lies we told in 7th grade.

there were several tooth-related experiences i endured that i would like to pay devotion to.

1. the overlapper


by this i refer to when one 'vampire tooth' begins to grow over the other, without regard for the original 'vampire's' personal space, leaving you with two of the already-ugliest teeth of them all. i know vampires are in right now, but back then edward was still a figment of stephany myer's hormonal imagination.

2. the shark tooth.


two of the bottom teeth grow in BEHIND the original four, leaving you with two rows of teeth, just like our favorite animal. this can be solved by nothing short of having them pulled.
my mom was really excited about this one and no doubt started singing a shark-related primary song.

2. the lock and key aka HERBST


sorry michelley

this is an appliance involving two parts: giant metal plate on the roof of the mouth with 'key' for insertion. twisting key invokes large amounts of pain and does CRAZY things to your teeth. school and family pictures came at an unfortunate time that year.

3. the lip bumper

this contraption is somewhat explained in the above image. i still have no idea what it's purpose is, other than creating a cindy-lou-who effect on the wearer. i think i burned all evidence of my wearing it, but there used to be a picture on my fridge, which annie laughed at for a good 20 minutes every time she came over.

4. the 'banjo'

no torture in the history of the world can touch this. it was what inspired my nickname by the boys in my grade, BANJO. at one point i had so many rubber bands in my mouth i couldn't fit a skittle between my teeth. A SKITTLE!!!!!!!

anyway, i want to end on a positive note by giving a giant THANK YOU to anyone and everyone who contributed to the straightening of my teeth, without which i surely would have been cast out of society.

for anyone still enduring this tragedy, just remember, "only a few more months and we'll take them off!"

7 comments:

Cason and Marie said...

hahahahahahahhaa rebbie I am dying laughing at this post! I remember you used to have to tighten your little "herbst" when we had sleepovers...i think you were the only one who wore one of those things and also the lip bumper. Maybe you just had a weird orthodontist. Anyway...brings back many memories of when was it? elementary school? I think you had them the longest. Oh braces...gotta miss them!

Annie said...

i was talking about this just yesterday with chelsey and liz. so funny! please don't tell me you destroyed THAT picture too.

Alex said...

I'll never forget the day that we bonded over the fact that we both had a lip bumper. The best part of it was when it would get stained by awesome middle school food like pizza.
As if I didn't have a million other things working against me.
Aaaand I also had the HERBST and shark teeth. Those were some dark times...

Brandon and Katie said...

haha rebb i love you!! i remember the day i got my braces off and what i was wearing. picture day baby! :) i loved centen.

Carly said...

Rebb...I am one of those many adults that is oh so lucky to have braces right now! ha infact i work at an ortho office so these pictures are all to familiar :) And yes i keep hearing just a few more months and we'll take them off. Luckily no herbst or lip guard thing for me. ha but yes i am lucky enough to get to have braces right now! Thanks for the laugh!

Anna Jay said...

Hahahah oh dear I thought my three years of braces with only one banjo band was bad. So funny.

word verification: stortard

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Annie said...

remember when katie and i came to pick you up at your house and you had half of you face numbed? we were laughing so hard (and i am now laughing so hard in the computer lab in the JFSB just thinking about it) and you could only smile with half of your face! Oh, i loved that.