so after whining about how terribly white i was, i finally decided this year to just embrace the vampire skin and live with it.
but... then shelly and i got tickets to palm springs in a few weeks and i decided i'd go tanning a few times so i don't lobster myself. totally justifiable right?
so i go and am greeted by the orange-faced "tanning consultants" who i know are pitying/judging my whiteness silently.
i tell her i need a lotion so she consults,
"oh, have you ever used a tingle?"
"what a tingle does, is it brings the blood flow to the surface so that blah blah some overly physiological explanation that i know is a lie."
finally she gets me sold on this lovely glittery bottle (not a tingle, but there were 20 different bronzers in it, guaranteed to give your skin a natural, sexy, glowing beach tan)
"ok so your total will be 94$ after the discount."
ha ha ha ha ha!
i started laughing.
finally i get the cheapest one (still ridiculously expensive) and go bake for six minutes. results?
pinkish stomach and back. PERFECT! because those are the places everyone sees, naturally.
why do we do this to ourselves? so so sad.